Thank you for this. I’ve never experienced trauma at her level (and I’m genuinely sorry to hear that you have 💖), but, like Zu, I’m someone who feels like they always have to present as “fine”–and should be “fine”–even when they aren’t. Zu never wants to let anyone down. She puts a ton of pressure on herself in that way, and I think she ultimately denied herself the time and resources she needed to begin to process what she’d experienced, mostly because she is incredibly empathetic and tends to focus on others. Not to mention, there is an undercurrent of “Why can’t you just move on?” leveled at the kids in a world eager to purge the memory of that darkness and what happened to them by destroying the camps, “retraining” PSFs, etc. What’s happening in the world mirrors what’s happening inside of Zu on a smaller scale. 

In survival situations (and we see Ruby and the others doing this as well), I think you learn to compartmentalize and push these things down to keep going, but I thought it was really important for Zu to finally acknowledge that aspect of herself. When she talks about the vase and kintsugi, she’s not saying that she’s a better or more beautiful person for having suffered, or that she’s mended, or that trauma is totally responsible for making her who she is today (though, clearly, trauma and hardship does affect us in major ways)–it’s her acknowledging that she shouldn’t feel like it’s a part of herself she needs to hide, or ignore, or feel ashamed of. Like you said, she has to reclaim who she is.